Lloyd Webber To Star In Hollyoaks?!

Rumour has it that Picasso-faced musical-supremo Andrew Lloyd Webber is to appear in 3 Hollyoaks episodes, due to be broadcast in January.

I can just imagine the scene when Lloyd Webber woke up one morning thinking 'what is it I still have left to achieve? Ah yes! I may have produced a crap piece of TV (How to Solve a Problem Like Maria), but I haven't yet starred in a crap piece of TV. Agent, get Phil Redmond on the line!