A 'Bonding' Experience At Club Pedestal

Andy Warhol tried to create a whole coterie of superstars, glamorous creations of stick-on eyelashes and sequins whispering like ghosts in the perfumed squalor of some downtown lower east side warehouse, grooving to choppy tunes like seasick sailors. Now I don't know for a fact what that whole scene was like, but I've glided on the third rail of deranged weekends enough in my life to be able to make an educated guess. Kind of reminds me of Club Pedestal, albeit in a more controlled way, like sexual deviancy for the beginner.

In the hipster hotbed of Old Street stands that staunch nineteen eighties reject the Aquarium. This venue has seen the demolition ball standing idly by for some time, always finding a reprieve and new hope so in those terms holding a marginal bdsm event within its Thatcherite hold feels quite right, it gives it that whole magisterial last ever night on earth feel. Club Pedestal is held once every three months, and is a gathering point for patrons of this lifestyle but in a safe consensual way. Only be warned, it's not to everybody's tastes. I have to admit I spent the first hour and a half openly bad mouthing hordes of leather clad men, writhing around on the floor and kissing the statuesque high heels of their mistresses, their faces simply frozen in ecstasy at the degradation - different strokes (pun intended) for different folks.

Now I'm all for equality between the sexes, hell if I was a chick I would have burned my bra long ago, grew my armpit-hair and displayed my Amelia Earhart tattoo with pride as I slipped a chubby arm over my slim girlfriend (because I would be a lesbian off course). And I am an ardent admirer of the female form, particularly ones poured into tight pvc like a second skin (which there were obviously lots off at the club), but seeing them parade guys on leashes like pets and then using their mouths as ashtrays was a tad unusual for a working class kid from south London. It resembled a scene from Dante's seventh circle of hell but in reverse, as scores of people were writhing around on the floor flapping like dying fish but moaning in pleasure, literally a carpet of flesh. I would heartily recommend this place for our female readers though, how empowering it must be to have guys flocking at your feet begging you to allow them the honour of licking the dirt from the soles of your shoes - the ultimate girls night out I would say. And for the fellas, well all I can say was the women were as intoxicating as sin, floating on worshipful gazes and on the butterfly flap of sexual energy.

The parade thickened around 11pm and the club started groaning from the almost lopsided frenzy of its patrons, as the heat fell from the DJ like hot butter (nice mixture of tunes, everything from industial dance to goth) and the jerky epileptic lights started seeping beyond optics to the very cortexes of everybody grazing in pastures of lust around the club, I found myself digging the entertainment. I mean you may go into this thinking of it as an exclusive scene, closed off and mistrustful of strangers, like a redneck with a shotgun on his porch, but the openly friendly manner of everybody took me unawares. Sure I did get accused of showing one particular "mistress" disrespect, but I'm not involved in this scene, and as such obviously find it hard to know their rules. But as an (almost) passive observer I enjoyed myself (drinks are a little expensive though).

I'm not here to knock anybody's lifestyle, perhaps my own eyes were opened by the manner of more marginal lifestyles juxtaposed within the reams of reality, a point glaringly illustrated to me when, deep in conversation with a serving Afghan squaddie, while being told about the claustrophobic realities of war, he suddenly stopped, looked at his watch then proceeded to turn white as a ghost. "Oh no" he said "I'm late for my mistress, and she needs her foot stool!" With that this war hero ran off to crouch at the feet of his mistress for the next hour.

By Charles Malakos

For more info on Club Pedestal, visit www.clubpedestal.com